Now, after I’ve finally completed and posted my list of the best movie posters of all time, it’s only fitting I show you my list of the worst. Thankfully this compilation didn’t take as much research because for some reason whenever I see a terrible poster it stays with me, haunting me to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and screaming. Okay, that last part may be a lie but bad movie posters really give me the shits.

Here’s my 10 worst movie posters of all time:

Make It Happen

Can you say tired? If not, check its pronunciation in the dictionary and beside the definition should be a picture of the Make It Happen poster. There must have been a $2 design budget because the `artists’ have just grabbed an image, ANY image of the title character and shoved it in the foreground. I doesn’t matter the pose looks like she’s arthritic and doesn’t resemble anything close to dancing, as long as you can see her toned midriff it’s allll good. I have to give them some credit though, they did remember to throw in generic shots of romance and friendship in the background along with a saturated pink backdrop in case the targeted tween audience wasn’t already peeing their Supre hot-pants panties with excitement. The tagline here doubles as not only a stereotypical dance movie phrase but also as a handy checklist for anyone wondering if they’re clinically dead. It reads: `Hear the music. Feel the beat’

The Last Kiss

This poster is trying so hard to get across its arty and dramedy nature, it hurts. Posters don’t need to be colourful but it might be nice if they don’t have the same colour scheme as a sheet of toilet paper. The cast has some acting cred but frankly not enough to warrant their names brandished in huge grey letters. This is not to mention shoved in at the side of the frame is Zach Braff wearing an expression which looks like the mystery woman has shoved her other hand up his anus. Wait, please don’t let me forget to mention possibly the worst tagline ever; `We all make choices. What’s yours?’ Mine, you ask? Not to see this movie thanks to your atrocious, artsy poster.

Seven Pounds

This poster is so fucking pretentious just looking at it makes me want to vomit. The fact poster designers thought Will Smith’s face looking compassionate would be enough to sell this movie to the masses makes me feel cheap and underestimated. Get those huge black ears and obscure tagline out of my face and come up with something creative you bastards!

Knowing

Slick as this poster looks and as ingenious as this movie was, I personally would like to see more in a movie advertisement than a picture of the Earth where it looks like its been dunked in a glass of Fanta. Knowing is an extremely clever, sci-fi thriller and absolutely NONE of this is portrayed in the poster.

Basic Instinct 2

Poster designers for the craptastic flop Basic Instinct 2 may have thought they were being clever by referencing the famous scene from the original film. However, in turn what they did was incite the following response from millions of innocent humans (including myself): "Noooo! Lord no! Keep them shut! If there is a God show mercy and KEEP THEM SHUT!" Arguably I don’t think this is the effect marketers were going for.

Gran Tarino

A brilliant movie which, thankfully, wasn’t hindered by an incredibly uninspiring poster. It tells you little about the movie or excellent storyline. Instead it tells you: He’s Clint Eastwood. He has a gun. There’s a car involved.

Corky Romano

I know, it’s hard to believe this is actually a movie poster. It must have taken a long and excruciating three minutes to put this poster together which looks freakishly similar to the bang-up jobs I do in paint (yes, Microsoft paint). It works out quite well though; an utterly awful poster for and utterly awful movie.

Surfer Dude

Speaking of bang-up jobs I’ve done in Microsoft paint, let me introduce you to the next woeful movie poster on the list. Oh, who can forget this highly entertaining comedy with environmental undertones starring Matthew McConaughy. Well, er, everyone apparently. This straight to DVD release wasn’t helped by the god-awful poster `art’ promoting it. Considering this puppy was released late last year it’s hard to believe it’s technologically possibly for posters this terrible to still be made. I imagine the conversation behind the concept for the poster would have gone something like this:

Creative consultant 1: Any ideas?
Creative consultant 2: Nope.
Creative consultant 1: What’s the movie called again?
Creative consultant 2: Surfer Due.
Creative consultant 1: Fuck.
(Three hours later)
Creative consultant 2: I know! How about we throw a shirtless Matthew on the cover! That’s the only reason people are going to see this shit anyway.
Creative consultant 1: Yeah, but what about the environmental themes?
Creative consultant 2: Heck, I say we just chuck some animals in a tree and be done with it. Oh... we better put a wave in there too somewhere.
Creative consultant 1: It looks a bit biblical now, a bit Noah’s Arc-esqe?
(Pause)
Creative consultant 1: Wanna get Chinese?
Creative consultant 2: Sure.

Superman III

If there’s ever been a movie poster so bad you don’t know where to begin criticising it – this is the one.

Cursed

I hate to defame anything related to Wes Craven or Kevin Williamson but there’s plenty to be said about the poster for werewolf flick Cursed. Looks familiar doesn’t it? That’s because designers have used exactly the same lighting and exactly the same head-shot approach as the Scream and Scream 2 posters. See the example provided below for further proof. However, since this movie is about a werewolf they decided to be `clever’ by adding some claw marks across the front of the poster and a glowing eye (for good measure). Because nothing says she-wolf like a glowing eye. Instead of designers creating an eye-catching poster that appealed to audiences like the Scream posters, it ended up looking like the dog ate their homework.